The Ugh Blog

A very Gay Holiday Season!

2009-12-27T20:32:00.000-08:00

The holidays at my house are never run of the mill... We may not have a traditional family with two gay sons and their many friends...but who wants traditional anyway??...I much prefer hearing them prattle on about the cutest stars and who they saw at the club last week. When they laugh the entire house smiles...

Here they are in all their Ab Fab 'ness wearing the bejewled caps I bought them. Upon opening them they both announced that the the caps were way to gay for them! LOL...who would have thought that a straight mom..could choose accessories that are "Too Gay" for her sons. I'm rather proud of that feat!

On the left is Joey...one of the boy's best friends and the life of any party. (And yes I bought his cute little pink and black cap!) Joey calls me his "White Mama" In order to distinguish me from his Asian ma-ma and I am proud to accept that title. Who wouldn't love a son that brings me the most fashion forward eyewear out there? :-)

Is life perfect for my sons?...no...Do I worry about their choices and their common sense on a regular basis?...yes...but they also fill my life with laughter, love and great cologne!
The only "ugh" is that there are hate filled people out there that might not see the beauty in them that I do; to them I give a huge "UGH" (And my middle finger..which is reserved for the very naughtiest of humanity!)

House Guests...

2009-12-24T09:03:00.000-08:00

Christmas Eve..ahhhh the season is winding down. By tomorrow at this time I will hopefully be taking a nap, while wearing my new "Snuggie" and some small piece of sparkle.
This week has been one huge UGH...
One of my best friends came to visit from my home town of Spokane. If you don't know much about Spokane (or anything about Spokane) just turn on the television and find an episode of Cops. Chances are Spokane will be featured in at least one of the crackhead chase downs.
Anyway..I digress. My friend has lived in Spokane most of her life and I've been away from Spokane for twenty years...It took a short four days to realize why.This friend is sweet as can be but her mind is closed like a steel trap to things in which it could use a little prying; such as, cultural diversity, Political Correctness ( Asians are not "Ching Chongs" and Mexicans are not all named "Lopez"), Social graces ( She burped like a cow and let huge butt vibrating farts whenever the urge hit her), humanity (She commented on how she had money but wouldn't be sharing it with a homeless woman on the street.) Higher Education ("Never been, never want to go, total waste of time!") I'm in college...
YET her mind is a wide gaping hole when it comes to meaningless things...
     For example,the Super Target store up the street got her more excited than anything else I offered to show her. She hated the idea of visiting museums or eating ethnic food. She refused to watch anything on television that was not on one of the three main channels. When we wanted to watch a movie she informed us that she didn't watch anything scary, violent or "Deep"...which left stupid romantic comedies..something my husband was Oh so,THRILLED about.
   On day three of her visit she insisted on being driven four hours away to Dallas in order to meet up with a man she hasn't seen in years. When I politely explained that it was a very long trip and that I really needed to get some things done before Christmas she became indignant and loudly protested. "You have two weeks of vacation so I don't feel sorry for you...I want to see BUBBY!!"(Man from her past) so we went...
   We left at eight in the morning and I was subjected to her backseat driving the entire way..."Why did you get in this lane?" "Do you see that truck ahead??" "I think you were supposed to turn THERE!"...Of course she was almost always wrong. Besides I have a GPS and I've been driving Texas roads for over twenty years!!
     Oh and one last thing.....she is a lip kisser???!! WTF!!
In fairness I must say that I knew this about her..so when she got here and grabbed me for a "SMOOCH" I told her that I was not a lip kisser and offered my cheek. Unfortunately this was not helpful because she grabbed both my cheeks and forced my head forward so she could get to my lips and said "I don't give a hoot if you aren't I'm gonna kiss you so just DEAL WITH IT"...and planted one smack dab on my lips.....UGH....I may need therapy.

Christmas Shopping for all and for all a good...Ugh

2009-12-14T18:31:00.000-08:00

     I hate Christmas shopping...I am all about the receiving but the giving of the season I struggle with. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a total scrooge, I like the idea of giving gifts I just don't like to shop...Let alone, happy, happy, ho, ho, ho Christmas shopping.
    First of all, I seem to always get sucked up into the "I'm a dork with a credit card so show me something stupid to buy hype". Yes, I am the middle aged goof ball that is standing proudly in line waiting to buy the toasty, foot warming, corn dissolving socks. (Even though I live in Texas where feet don't get cold and I don't have corns.) It's simply the fact that they look so darn cozy and they come in such cute seasonal colors!
   Honestly, my heart is in the right place....I intend to buy thoughtful and meaningful gifts....it's just that once I'm in the throws of a busy, florescent lit, hell hole of a store that pipes in lame Christmas songs by Celine Deon...I loose all my religion and forget about the babe in the manger and instead consider mugging the wise men for their gifts to the Christ Child so I can go home and enjoy the true meaning of Christmas…Amaretto and hot chocolate!
    Let's take today for example. I found myself in front of a department store, considering whether to go inside or not. I poked my head in the door and looked around…hardly a soul in the place..Perfect! My spirits began to rise! I stuck my ear buds in and turned my iPod on…a technique that works nicely to drown out gag able Christmas music ANNND even more importantly...To keep salespeople from asking me a million and one times if I am “finding everything okay?” ……if they approach I begin to sing and pretend I don’t see them. It works every time!
    All in all things went well. Two jeans, a few shirts and some sweaters later I made my way to the counter; this is when the trouble began...Behind the counter were two women, one wasn't a day over a hundred and looked like she had sucked on something sour. She stood with a youthful looking "sixty or so” who was scratching her backside as she carried on the conversation with old "screw face."
    "Ahhhem" I cleared my throat hoping to get their attention....nothing. I am a patient woman (I AM!!!) so I pretended to look at some cheap ass, ugly earrings on one of those twirly things....
    "Well she said she'd be back after she picked her kids up from school ...so I wanted to let you know so you didn't put these back"....said screw face.

“How long ago did she ask you to hold them?"... Queried butt itchier "Oh I don't know...It was before I went to lunch...I went early today so I could take my medication. You know...I've been having a lot of trouble with this new medicine the doctor gave me if I don't eat before I take it....yesterday I had stomach cramps somethin' TERRIBLE"....ect...ect....Followed by sympathetic "oh my's" and "tsk..tsk"....while I waited...and waited...cleared my throat again...and waited....tapped a beat on the counter and waited...when finally...a single stream of sunlight streamed through the florescent paneled ceiling and I heard...

                            “Are you ready Ma'am?" .............Ugh

2009-12-13T20:00:00.000-08:00

So today,the thirteenth of Decemeber is winding down. I've spent yet another weekend stuck to my computer researching for another 1500 word essay. This week's topic??.....Modernism and how technology led us into a postmodern era....Ugh