House Guests...

Christmas Eve..ahhhh the season is winding down. By tomorrow at this time I will hopefully be taking a nap, while wearing my new "Snuggie" and some small piece of sparkle.
This week has been one huge UGH...
 One of my best friends came to visit from my home town of Spokane. If you don't know much about Spokane (or anything about Spokane) just turn on the television and find an episode of Cops. Chances are Spokane will be featured in at least one of the crackhead chase downs. 
  Anyway..I digress. My friend has lived in Spokane most of her life and I've been away from Spokane for twenty years...It took a short four days to realize why.This friend is sweet as can be but her mind is closed like a steel trap to things in which it could use a little prying; such as, cultural diversity, Political Correctness ( Asians are not "Ching Chongs" and Mexicans are not all named "Lopez"), Social graces ( She burped like a cow and let huge butt vibrating farts whenever the urge hit her), humanity (She commented on how she had money but wouldn't be sharing it with a homeless woman on the street.) Higher Education ("Never been, never want to go, total waste of time!") I'm in college...
 YET her mind is a wide gaping hole when it comes to meaningless things...
     For example,the Super Target store up the street got her more excited than anything else I offered to show her. She hated the idea of visiting museums or eating ethnic food. She refused to watch anything on television that was not on one of the three main channels. When we wanted to watch a movie she informed us that she didn't watch anything scary, violent or "Deep"...which left stupid romantic comedies..something my husband was Oh so,THRILLED about.
   On day three of her visit she insisted on being driven four hours away to Dallas in order to meet up with a man she hasn't seen in years. When I politely explained that it was a very long trip and that I really needed to get some things done before Christmas she became indignant and loudly protested.  "You have two weeks of vacation so I don't feel sorry for you...I want to see BUBBY!!"(Man from her past) so we went...
   We left at eight in the morning and I was subjected to her backseat driving the entire way..."Why did you get in this lane?" "Do you see that truck ahead??" "I think you were supposed to turn THERE!"...Of course she was almost always wrong. Besides I have a GPS and I've been driving Texas roads for over twenty years!!
     Oh and one last thing.....she is a lip kisser???!! WTF!!
 In fairness I must say that I knew this about her..so when she got here and grabbed me for a "SMOOCH" I told her that I was not a lip kisser and offered my cheek. Unfortunately this was not helpful because she grabbed both my cheeks and forced my head forward so she could get to my lips and said "I don't give a hoot if you aren't I'm gonna kiss you so just DEAL WITH IT"...and planted one smack dab on my lips.....UGH....I may need therapy.